Ward Re-admission and Routine.

When I was first admitted onto the mental health ward, I was shocked by how surprised people were when I told them it was my first admission. Now however, having spent the last 5 months since my discharge in limbo, waiting for treatment and being bounced between services, my condition had become much more severe. Now I understood. People come into this place and have their rights, and to some extent, their identity stripped from them for the duration of their admission. They are then kicked out back into the community to adjust by themselves, with no support or treatment. So it's really not that shocking that the majority of people on the wards are on their 3rd or 4th admission. 

What surprised me was the ease with which you slip back into the hospital ‘routine.’ Even having only been here once (and as traumatic as that experience was), there is something oddly comforting about the fact that everything remains the same; lunch at 12, dinner at 6, visiting hours, medication times - it all comes flooding back to you in an instant. The familiarity and somewhat ‘comforting’ nature of it, reminds me of a holiday home (albeit, a crap one!). Every year when I was younger my family and I would go to the same caravan park (sometimes we even stayed in the same caravan!). Every so often, we would talk about the ‘exciting’ possibility of venturing to somewhere different next year - but it never happened. We never really enjoyed those holidays…the “home from home” nature of it meant there were always a lot of arguments and anxiety around one-another. But it was familiar, and easy. 

With that in mind, maybe for some of the patients that are regularly admitted here, it takes away that ‘fear factor’ of going into hospital. The fact that this environment is so consistent and therefore ‘safe’ for some patients, could mean that is is preferable to the inconsistent and unpredictable nature of everyday life. 

I think it’s safe to say that for me personally, that will never be the case...