Long road to recovery....

One of the few conversations I remember with my counsellor (thanks to anxiety-provoked 'zoning out' episodes), is one that has stuck with me and made me think about why mental illness is often so stigmatised and mis-understood.

Me: “Trying to get better is scary” 

Counsellor: “What are you scared of?”

Me: “I’m scared of all my demons crawling out of me during therapy, and that i’m not going to be able to beat them all down and stop them killing me."

Counsellor: “Recovery is scary...It’s like being treated for cancer - it’s a long process, it’s going to make you feel so much worse before you get better, and really…there’s no certainty that you will completely recover, there will always be scars left behind. So i’m not surprised you are so terrified, and that sometimes suicide sees like the better option.”

She had often referred to physical illness when validating my feelings relating to my mental health, and the more she did this the more it made sense. When you break a bone in high school, you turn up the next day proudly displaying your plaster-cast, and everyone wants to hear about how it happened. And yet, turning up to school or work having experienced a depressive episode the previous week is not something we want to share. 

The treatment of mental illnesses with the same urgency as physical illnesses, isn't just something that we as members of society need to think about; it's the professionals as well. Suicidal thoughts aren't something that we can be left on a waiting list with to deal with in 6 months...that's as good as a death sentence. Would someone with a life threatening tumour or heart condition be treated in the same manner? 

Overall, I think in order to begin to recover maybe those who suffer from a mental illness need to think of their illness as physical...because if we don't, then how can we expect other people to?

The benefit of this is you no longer see your feelings as something that is your fault, and therefore hopefully are less likely to punish yourself for them. We all have to take some responsibility for our mental health (as our physical health), but sometimes things are outside of our control - and we need help. Just like a blood clot can lead to a stroke, a chemical imbalance, life event, or cognitive distortion can lead to depression. 

In sum, the long road to recovery for me begins with; cutting myself some slack, recognising that I have not brought on this condition myself, and acknowledging that just like a physical illness - it is possible to recover. 

Maybe, in time I will walk into work displaying my plaster-cast as a kind of 'badge of honour', and can be as brave as this guy....